I am all mixed up inside. I have dealt with so much sh** lately that my mind feels both overwhelmed and exhausted. I am a recovering alcholic and decided to test my ability to see an long lost drinking friend. I did alright, i admit i had one beer but it stopped to just one adn it tasted terrible. Seeing him tore me up- he was really sick, he was coughing up blood all night, but still managed to drink a considerable amount. this meeting shook my foundation and brought up alot of issues that i shoved away and never really dealt with. A week after this event a beautiful baby that i spent alot of time with passed away very suddenly, they think it was sids. This death sent me into a severe depression, i've yet to completly recover.. and honestly i don't know how to... I feel so terribly saddened with life... thanx for letting me express what has been tumbling around inside my head and heart... i'm hoping expressing my thoughts will help me process them and pull myself out of this funk.